Thursday, November 19, 2009

Concern or Control?

We get these two mixed up many times. You can throw me into that mix. It’s part of life.

What we do with this mix-up is another story. I talk so much about awareness. It is the starting place of change, growth and expansion.

What is the difference between what you are concerned about, what you feel you have control over and what you actually do have control over?

Try this experiment:

Take a blank piece of paper. Draw a big circle on the paper. Inside of the big circle, draw a small circle. It will have the look of a donut.

Which one represents your circle of control? Which one represents your circle of concern?

If the big circle is CONTROL, let’s take a look at that. What do you ultimately control in your life? What do you really have power over? How many people do you hold in that big circle? Do you really believe you hold the power to control them? If you do, you may believe that hold the power to change them.

You hold the power to change yourself.

So, let’s take a look at this again. How much control do you REALLY have in your life?

Concern is a part of our lives. It’s a constant in our thoughts. What we actually control in that big circle of concern is really not that much, other than our own thoughts, feelings and actions.

Keep this diagram handy for a few days and see how much you find yourself trying to control what you are really only concerned about.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Accepting change can be so difficult at times. Why is that?

It’s a thing called resistance. And the more we resist something, the more uncomfortable we become. And that discomfort can ruin our day if we allow it.

Sometimes, we have to let it ruin our day. We have to feel the pain of our resistance. It's a time for understanding and acceptance of what is occurring FOR us--FOR our learning.

And then what?

We have options. Stay in resistance? Discomfort.

Ask for the learning? Less discomfort.

Understand that it's all happening FOR our greater good at exactly the right time? Trust.

Staying in the resistance is usually the most painful. Eventually, we learn to accept what is occurring when our awareness is available in our thinking. This can take time. Our resistance is most often around our desire to change others so that we can feel better about our own world, ourselves.

We cannot change other people. We can only change ourselves.

Here's the key. What we don't like about that other person at that moment is what we don't like about ourselves. It's a mirror right in front of us. It's our signal that it's time for a change.

And now we can cut ourselves some slack and realize that we are in a process of "shift." We are growing and expanding. We can focus on what we want to change about ourselves and create the space for our growth. For, if we continue in that resistance, we are in the place of what we don't want. And we don't want that to expand, do we?

Your power resides in your clarity around you.

“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don't have to like it ... it's just easier if you do.” ~Byron Katie